I learned everything from my dog
The story of Marigold, Asha, being healthy and growing old
“Honey, does she look ok to you?”
It was no particular day about 18 months ago and I am looking at our then 2-year-old Havapoo, Asha. Who is, by far, the cutest and most loving mammal in my life (I’ll admit I’m biased). Her shoulders appeared corpulent, encroaching the area behind her head in a way that looked both uncomfortable and unnatural. My wife takes one look at her, face turning to a scowl. She scoops up Asha, and in a flash, she’s on the scale. 15.5 lbs. She’s supposed to be 12-13 lbs. She is not a big dog. 3 lbs overweight.
Asha is our second dog. Our first dog Marigold, a Cocker Spaniel poodle mix, lived just shy of 17 years. Blind and diabetic her last 4 years, she taught us grace and dignity in aging, never once complaining as time took away her sight and her mobility.
Once upon a Marigold
Marigold loved bananas, and was with us as we started to learn about health and nutrition. Both Marigold and I were overweight. We both loved our treats. Marigold would sort of bark / sing and we would melt - a piece of banana provided a reward for being such a great companion. This occurred for too many moments on any given day. She wasn’t terribly overweight - you wouldn’t look at her and recoil at our incompetence. She was simply loved, and serving food is a form of love.
Diabetes is a degenerative disease. For Marigold, the diagnosis and the blindness came abruptly, as did the twice-daily insulin with meals. It’s very difficult to get a blood sugar level on a dog. Getting the proper reading requires finding the right location (good luck), firmly holding down the dog, and pricking her to get a blood sample. It was the process of repeatedly physically immobilizing Marigold that caused the trauma; a behaviour from us that was new, unwelcome, and to her, a violation of trust. So we resolved to consistent feedings at a specific time, consistent exercise, consistent insulin doses, and adjusting when it didn’t go to plan. And it often didn’t go to plan. We shepherded Marigold through this process for four years and learned still more about dignity, grace, and love. When it came time for the end, we were not ready, but Marigold was. She passed in 2020 during the pandemic surrounded by her loved ones. We made a promise to her the day we brought her home that we’d be with her to the end. And we were.
Never again would a loved one in our charge - furry or otherwise - be allowed to court a debilitating disease because we were uninformed and undisciplined about our care. Discovering Asha was 3 lbs overweight set off the alarms that motivated us to get on top of the issue and guide her back to a healthy weight.
The math guides the path
1 lb = 3500 calories. I told you I liked math. Here’s the first one. If you want to be 1 lb heavier, one will need to consume over a period of time 3500 more calories than they expend over that same period of time. If you want to be 1 lb lighter, one will need to consume 3500 fewer calories than they expend over that same period of time. It doesn’t matter if you are human or a dog.
Asha needs 400 calories a day, 2800 calories a week. She needed to lose 3 lbs, or 10,500 calories (3 lbs x 3500 calories per pound). Clearly, not feeding her for 3.75 weeks (10,500 calories / 2,800 calories per week = 3.75 weeks) was not the answer. Something more gradual made sense. In humans, a common rule of thumb is 500 calories per day, 3500 calories per week, allows one to gain or lose a pound a week. 500 calories per day is 22-25% of one’s daily food consumption (500 calories / 2,250 calories). Applying that math to Asha, that’s 88 calories a day (22% x 400 calories per day). We settled on a deficit of 50 calories per day. How long does it take for a Havapoo that’s supposed to be 12.5 lbs and is 15.5 lbs to lose 3 lbs: 30 weeks (10,500 calories / 50 calories per day / 7 days per week). Yup, almost 7 months.
And that’s what we did. In another post I’ll discuss how (more math). Asha is now four, active and at a healthy weight for the small adorable dog that she is. And I am hoping she remains that way for a long, long time.
Beyond the math, the lesson here is it takes time, and it’s a little bit at a time. The bigger lesson: it’s deterministic; it can be completely in control. The true beauty comes from empowering personal outcomes. Math is important, but it’s not the point.
Resilience is, in part, about attitude
Marigold lost her vision overnight. As in she had it one day, and lost it the next. We were living in a 2-bedroom Manhattan apartment at the time. I don’t want to imagine losing my vision and certainly the trauma of losing it overnight. I will never forget the day she lost her eyesight. She stumbled out of her bed and walked into a few things - the wall; the sofa; it was heartbreaking to watch. Later that day, she collected herself. She got up, and put her right shoulder against the wall and walked around the entire apartment, counterclockwise, methodically mapping out the floor plan. She then ventured into each room, slowly bumping into things. And that was it; she was good. She now moved around the apartment with purpose and without bumping into anything. However, if you moved a chair from where she thought it was supposed to be and she walked into it she’d be quite cross and let you know it. Even without her eyesight she could give a withering look. Gone were our days of redecorating on a whim.
I don’t think I was ever more connected to Marigold than when she lost her vision. I learned how to communicate through her leash to guide her on our many walks. A gentle tug left or right to avoid an obstacle; a bit of a sharper (but still gentle) tug to let her know to leap the curb. She relied on me for her vision, and I relied on her for, well, everything else.
What’s in a name
Emily’s Note: Around the time that I had (finally) convinced my mother to get a dog, I read the book “Once Upon a Marigold” by Jean Ferris. The heroine of the story, Princess Marigold, was the inspiration for naming our dog. The day we picked her up, I knew that she was destined for that name.
Asha’s “Gotcha Day” was in November, 2020, well into the pandemic. We had some substantive losses in addition to Marigold that year. Asha means “hope” and “life” in Hindi and we felt her addition was a turning point. Looking backward, it was.
What have the animals in your life taught you?